updates

Sorry its been so long since I updated. I've wrestled whether or not to share all of this that I'm about to share on the blog but I figure since it chronicles our family's life and journey, I probably should.

Here is what I posted on Facebook earlier this week.

A few weeks after getting to Scotland, Dan and I found out we were pregnant- a total shock. We were not planning on another baby right now. But, once the shock wore off, we were excited at the thought of another "wee one" on the way. We weren't ready to tell people but family at first, as we wanted to wait for a good ultrasound and an exact due date. We saw a midwife, who sent a referral in for an ultrasound at the nearest big hospital. In the meantime, we booked an ultrasound at a private place since the midwife said it would be a few weeks till our one at the hospital. The ultrasound at the private place wasn't super clear but he estimated the pregnancy at around 7 weeks along. This seemed a little off to us based on symptoms and when we got our positive pregnancy test. Dan and I both had the feeling something might be wrong but without any real reason to worry, we brushed it off. On Monday of this past week, I started having spotting and called the early pregnancy unit at the hospital. They booked for an ultrasound the next day-Tuesday. We went in and sadly, the ultrasound showed no growth and no heartbeat. We were devastated. They told me I could wait for it to happen naturally (which was my preference) or have the surgery to remove the pregnancy. They provisionally booked me for the surgery this coming Tuesday. On Thursday the miscarriage started happening on its own, which I was thankful for. However, yesterday evening I started to have a lot of pain and began to hemorrhage. At first I thought that maybe it was just heavy bleeding but it got worse and worse. I was praying so hard, asking the Lord for help. I then told Dan I think I needed to go in so we called. They sent an ambulance for me. I was so scared while we were waiting, unsure of what was happening and feeling so sick. We called Sam and Andrea to let them know we needed one of them to come over to be with the boys (who were asleep, thankfully). They live a few miles away without a car though. So we called our one set of neighbors we know, and they were already asleep. Thankfully our other neighbors, who we barely know saw the ambulance and quickly came over to sit in the house until my brother got here. They whisked me off to the hospital. I was in tremendous pain and feeling so faint and dizzy. I arrived at the emergency department and they quickly transferred me up to the gynecology/obstetrics floor. They were so nice there. The doctor said the hemorrhaging was probably from the baby/pregnancy tissue getting stuck and she would try to get it out without doing surgery. She was able to and although it was horribly uncomfortable, I am so thankful I didn't need emergency surgery. Once she cleared everything out, the hemorrhaging stopped and the intense horrible pain subsided as well. I had to stay in the hospital overnight. Dan came home to be with the boys and I attempted to sleep through all the interruptions of them checking vital signs and all that fun hospital stuff. Dan came and got me this morning and I am home resting. 

It has all been such a whirlwind. I am trying to juggle my sadness and disappointment over the loss of the baby with the intense feeling of relief that the physical part of it is over. We are so very sad about losing the baby, about never seeing our sweet little one this side of heaven. We had another miscarriage back in 2005 (for those who don't know) and to survive one in a lifetime felt like enough. But I have also seen God's faithfulness this week through being here with Sam and Andrea and not being alone, through God renewing my excitement for the plans we had before this pregnancy (classes for pre-reqs for nursing school in the spring, more time with just the boys to love on them extra, etc), through a wonderful husband who just stepped up last night and did everything. 

Please know that we had planned on telling everyone we were pregnant soon but then all this happened. If anyone feels out of the loop, we are sorry. Trying to navigate big, unexpected news from this far away was tough. We love you all and are glad to be able to share what has gone on. We ache for home at times like this but also know that we have an amazing opportunity to rely on God in new ways, and to be with Sam and Andrea and growing closer to them. 

For those of you who pray, we appreciate and covet your prayers...

We hope to just let ourselves grieve but also enjoy the rest of our time here in Scotland and not let this experience mar the whole journey of being here. 

No need to say much more I suppose. Its all in there. I'm uploading pics for a picture post as we speak so keep your eyes open!