thoughts

A random conglomeration of thoughts and events…

For those who don’t Facebook (is that a verb?), Jayden tripped and fell Saturday evening, banging/smashing his face on the corner of the coffee table. A trip in the ambulance (its our favorite mode of transportation lately apparently) followed. And we got to visit the A&E (accident and emergency) department at Ninewells Hospital AGAIN! They were able to use glue and paper stitches and he didn’t need sutures, which was a big relief. He loved the attention and loves to tell the story!!

Here’s his precious face all banged up:

We’re off to a place called Stirling today. They have a Safari Park there that is supposed to be amazing for kids and they also have one of the most famous castles in the UK- the Stirling Castle. As if that wasn’t enough, they also have the William Wallace Monument (dude from Braveheart) which dan is very excited about. And also apparently a historical prison. Lots to do, that’s for sure. We’re staying at a B&B. We’ll all be in the same room so we’ll see how that goes. :)

In regards to how we’re doing with all else that has gone on, grief is a jagged line that slowly heads upwards. Bad days, good days. Mostly bad days at first, then more good days interspersed. As I write this, its a sad day- missing the baby, missing the hope and excitement of a new life growing inside, missing the planning and dreaming. We have experienced God’s faithfulness and comfort on such amazing and deep levels though, and we are just full of praise of thankfulness for His care through it all.

I wish i could say we’ll be doing great tomorrow or in a week, or when we get home. But the truth is, things like this change you forever. Miscarriages, while they are a different kind of loss than losing a walking, talking, breathing child, are still the loss of a child and it leaves a scar. I still cry over the baby we lost in 2005.

I was encouraged today by the lyrics to this song by Steven Curtis Chapman. He lost his walking, talking, breathing 5 year old daughter in May of 2008 and he wrote this out of that pain.

 

I am broken, I am bleeding,
I'm scared and I'm confused,
but You are faithful.
Yes You are faithful.

I am weary, unbelieving.
God please help my unbelief!
Cuz You are faithful.
Yes You are faithful.

I will proclaim it to the world.
I will declare it to my heart
And sing it when the sun is shining.
I will scream it in the dark.
You are faithful!
You are faithful!

When you give and when You take away,
even then still Your name
is faithful!
You are faithful!
And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe
You are faithful.

I am waiting for the rescue
that I know is sure to come,
cuz You are faithful.
Yes You are faithful.
I've dropped anchor in Your promises,
and I am holding on,
cuz You are faithful.
God You are faithful.

I will proclaim it to the world.
I will declare it to my heart
And sing it when the sun is shining.
I will scream it in the dark.
You are faithful!
You are faithful!

When you give and when You take away,
even then still Your name
is faithful!
You are faithful!
And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe You're faithful.
So faithful...

Though I cannot have the answer
that I'm wanting to demand,
I'll remember You are God
and everything is in Your hand.
In Your hands you hold the sun, the moon,
the stars up in the sky,
for the sake of Love, You hung Your own Son
on the cross...to die...
You are faithful...
Yes, You are faithful...

When you give and when You take away,
even then, great is Your faithfulness!
Great is Your faithfulness!
And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe You're faithful!
Oh, oh, oh...
Oh, oh, oh...
When you give and when You take away,
even then still Your name
is faithful!
You are faithful!
And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe...
...You're faithful..

 

I love the image of screaming it in the dark….cause there are times when I feel that is all one can do when they experience profound loss. If I have nothing else, I know that I am anchored in His faithfulness, and I scream it through the pain and grief, until I hope its all I can hear. That He is faithful.